The Social

LISTEN  and be in present.

You help others, you help yourself as well.  

Through life we are often helping others through practical action. We might buy and prepare food, drives to work or exercise, or helping someone to cut the grass. We are also that physical and emotional support when someone needs us at their side.

But how often are we there to listen fully to another human being?

We forget the other who share their feelings and their experiences. We would often help out and share our own experiences or give advice. In our striving to get our counterparty to feel good, we maybe forgot that who just want to be listened to. Would that person really have our comments and advice?

Imagine yourself in a situation where you share something that has burden you for a long time. It can be an experience that made you afraid, angry, sad, upset or heartbroken. Something that made you feel less worthy or desolate, and that is hard to manage. An experience you carried on but now are ready to share. How feels it then when someone says to you one or more of the following:

I know exactly what you mean.   I was with about the same thing.   But don't feel like that!       I know just how you feel.     Do like this, follow these steps, I did!     I've tried a method that works great.      I write it down for you.     Poor you.     God how awful.        So terrible!

There are times when it is good to hear that you are not alone in your experience, but sometimes you just need someone to listen. But maybe the person you tell anything is triggered and it ’only have to’ express what it feel/think and can't wait.

Many believe that it will help that person who tells us, but often it cancels out the storyteller or break the subject. The person shuts up that earlier was opened. When you open yourself, you will be defenseless and week. If you don´t get support, the story will abrupt. No one knows how you feel. You do not care if they have been involved in a similar incident there and then, you would not be felt sorry for and you are not a victim.

When focus suddenly moved over to that person who would listen there is no longer support you requested.

Do your best as listener by creating a safe listening atmosphere where you listen in present and consciously. Do you feel that you would like to comment on what the person says so keep it to yourself. Do you have a sense of what might help the person who tells us so ask a question instead, which can lead the person in the right direction. Preach nothing, say nothing and look not like if you know what the person is going through. The experience is unique to each individual person.

The next time you get the confidence to listen, analyze if you can do it in a different way. If you would not, it is also okay. But see if you can try. Maybe you will see the situation differently. In a whole new way of a brand new you.

Have you ever been listening?   

You probably know someone you love to talk to and who is a master of listening. Put yourself into a situation where someone really listens to what you want to say. Sure, it feels wonderful when someone gives you so much attention? After a while, it is almost as if it doesn't matter what you have to say. How do you feel about that person? The relationship feels trustworthy, safe, welcoming, healing and inspirational?

When I share a problem with someone who is a good listener, I will present myself until the answer to what I'm thinking about. Do you recognize it? I am grateful for the help and those who listened responds: I said nothing, you came up with the answer yourself. It was the active listening which helped me. The person listened in present, which in turn helped me to focus on my problem and to be more aware of myself.

There is a big difference between hearing and listening. Simplified, it could be said to hear means that sound vibrations travel through the air and hits your eardrum which records this as sound. Listening, however, has a different dimension of communication itself. Listen means that I focus entirely on a person who is talking. I who listens is consciously present in my body and stop listening to my own thoughts. I listen not only with my ears nevertheless with my whole body. What is it that is said? What is not said? What is hidden in the silence between the words? How does it feel in my body when the person talking to me? What would that person really tell me?

In this state of listening I often find the right words. I know what I'm going to respond. There is access to a larger intelligence and more information than if I try to reply from my thoughts, knowledge and experience. My brain has "only" knowledge from my past experiences and the things I have learned in the past. Therefore, it is better that I give support in listening with the whole me and not just a feedback based on my knowledge, experience and analytical skills. Above all, I can give a better support to the talks. I'm not trying to help. I have that intention to support, guide and be useful. Sometimes, I would remind myself by asking the question; how can I best help here? A basic rule is to stay still, rather sitting; your brain inside through more sound when the body is still, this will make you an even better listener.

When you choose to listen in present, you get an extra benefit, in addition to being a support for a fellow human being, you become more present in yourself. You calm your mind and your thoughts. You may take a break from yourself for a little while. So, take every opportunity to listen to another human being. Both for your own sake but also for your colleague, friend or partner.

Sometimes it can be hard when someone just talk at based on stress. You feel that your own inner stress triggered and you would rather not listen to the person without just getting out of you your own bubbling energy in the form of words; then you have an opportunity to choose to be present and really listen to the other person. There you will discover then is that you yourself will become quieter but also to the person who is talking to will be calmer. The incessant talking is going to taper off and calm down. "a win-win situation.

Listening is a good way to meditate. When you listen for things so silenced your thoughts. You move your attention and your awareness to something else; sound that is not voice (read your thoughts) in your head. Then silenced the inner world. So make it a habit to just sit down and listen to all the sounds around you. It increases your awareness and your presence. 

Are you a good listener? When do you think it's tough to be a listener? If you were to listen to any more who would it be?

SOCIAL AREAS OF YOUR LIFE (the social of society side makes about yourself).

Friends and one let to know, socializing. In this area there are often fit very many people. From your closest friends, relatives, neighbors and people one gets to know from other situations. You can choose which of these you want to focus on when you're describing and takes out a direction for the area. It's all about how you want your relationships should look like and how you want to be as a friend. 

And what about leisure time? An area that can be about how you spend your time when you do not engage you at income-generating activities, but nevertheless considers it important. It's about what activities you would like to include in, both on your own behalf and with your family and friends. There could be specific interest you have for which you want to create time for. It can also be about small things in everyday life; how you want it and how you want to spend your spare time in a way that is recovering and enriching.

Society. Some people see a social commitment as an important part of his life. They want to actively contribute to the project or chang the line of Society. It may be political involvement, trade-union work or actively membership in some organization. This can include volunteering, to organise meetings/conferences or devote themselves to support.

At the meeting with new people.

Maybe it's the open-mindedness and a short meeting that makes it special, and open. We lose the Guard, allows any facades falling down and we take the time to listen to talk we don't otherwise do. Not rarely initiated talks about the difficulties with internet connections or weather and then deepened and be about life; about divorces, kids that never came or escape from another country. About how it could felt to come to Sweden to live for three years in a refugee facility before the opportunity to integrate into Sweden. Ten years later, a desire to pay back by helping others who come to our country as a migrant. All these meetings that somehow leave traces in me. Of love and hope.