The Family

About the family, the network, the team and the single life;

"Quotes" about relationships

A good terapeut?

A close relationship is really good at activate our programmed truths as: Am I good enough? Am I satisfactorily good-natured? Am I really good enough as I am? These questions can be found in all of us.

Is there a different context that trigger you so much as a close relationship? When you are in love with someone and, above all, at the beginning of the relationship, you can be mindful of what that trigger you and causes you to react in the relationship. Then you can discover and explore the different reaction shapes you have with you from the past. Shape as ben hidden in the shadows and that your unconscious has hidden for you.

These shadows, would we rather not examine and still less do we want our dearest to see them. But, nevertheless, we have them all. Most shapes come from our childhood. And when these shapes are triggered in us it is the child in us reacting. The responding child takes over the full-grown person's thoughts.

We are thinking of different things that have their origins in our emotional life and our backgrounds, if what is true about ourselves and our surroundings.

"If she knew this about me she would leave me."

"He wouldn't like me as much if he knew this about me. "

"I do not dare to be honest because then maybe she'll be mad at me."

"If he cares about me, he would not do like this."

It can be through unconscious shapes which takes its expression in behavior:

– You do things to be liked and override yourself

– You do challenge things to test your partner's love.

– You do things to prevent your shadow sides and weaknesses will not be visible.

– You overreact to your partner's behavior because you think you are in danger. That you are not in love.

– You turn off because you don't dare show how you really feel. Because you are not good enough as you are.

Usually so we react by attacking or defending ourselves because we think it's about us, when in fact it is all about the other person's shape. If you are lucky your partner is understanding and safe in that it is not about this and can give you the support you need to accept those parts of yourself. You may be conscious of the same with your partner. Be mindful of your reactions. Ask instead: "How are you? How is it? " Be a little more adult instead of letting the little child react.

How can you as a couple be more adults together instead of reacting like a child? By respecting each other, dare to be more open, or by being more vulnerable? What works best for you?

Love now!

Quote; “Do you remember when we were new lovers? "said Maria to me. "Then we made such funny things. Everything was so easy and life was easy in all areas. We were never tired and everything between us was so carefree. "

And sure, it was a bit of that; even if we were tired or cold, so was the mood at the top and we had how much energy any time. We needed less sleep and life was wonderful in all areas. Maybe this is something you or your partner, just like us, talk about sometimes. Even if you don't talk about it, maybe you or your partner thinks so. Love turns to everyday life and you start to find distraction in each other. Details that were cute and charming became big distractions.

That who happens when we fall in love, is that the person we fall in love in reflects that we like for ourselves. The person may also have characteristics that we look up to and want to have. In other words, the object of your love makes you feel good. You choose to see each other in paradise and forgive everything that does not fit into your truths.   When the person who is there for making you happy and lucky afterwards begins to view pages that will make you become irritated, it's because they remind you of pages in yourself that you don't like. Pages that you previously chose to forget to the benefit of all that positive. The person that would make you happy reminds you of what you don't want to know by yourself, which is a great contrast and maybe it goes so far that you start to consider separation or look for someone else to make you happy.

It was like this we talked about the other night, and now I want to introduce a new concept, the next time you think about how wonderful it was to be new-lovers. How would it be if you were a little now-love instead? Instead of thinking about what once was or what you would prefer to have in your life. Try to be here and now and in love.       By that I mean to discover your partner again. Often when we look at someone else that we know already, we have a preconception about how that person should be and we are not trying to even see that person in a new perspective again. Try to be a little more now-curious. What would happen if you were just here and now, without old prejudices and experiences? Probably you would be now-love. In your partners, in your friends, in your job and in your whole life. From now on, we are very much now-love in one another!

Too much of a good thing?

Never have we consumed as much as we do today and consumption is growing steadily. But it's not just the goods and services we consume. It also applies to relationships.

We don't stop there and builds on the relationship we started, in the same level as in the past. Never before we have married and separated us as often as today. Dating sites springing up like mushrooms and they have customers like never before. If one would find the perfect relation so shouldn't these sites continue to grow?

Sweden also has the most singles (single households) in the world. What does it say about us and our relationships?

Older people say that "in the past, we were certainly fight to get the relationship to keep". Certainly, I think we had a different view of relationships in the past. Many perhaps recognized that it was shameful to be divorce, but over all it was necessary to keep together in order to survive. Often put the women ensnared in relationships. Many were housewives without paid work and child care. They had nowhere to go.

Why does it look like it does today? The question you should probably ask yourself if you would like to receive a personal answer.

            But perhaps it may be that:

-        We hunt a great love that does not exist. A love that will replace the love of ourselves. A person who will make us happy because it is so difficult to create that feeling on your own.

-        We are looking for the one who will save us away from ourselves.

-        We are looking for a person who will make us feel good.

-        We are looking for a person who has the properties we are missing themselves

-        We seek what we think we need to be happy. When we actually feel nonexistence of ourselves.

What happens when you think you have found the person who could "make you whole" but after a while discovers that he or she does not meet the expectations you had initially. Maybe start the relationship weakened. You'll no longer have what you experienced from the beginning were, and your passion turns into disappointment, sadness and irritability.

It is the love curse. It ends because love is a mental process that is controlled by your ego. Of course, it opens up your heart and true love happens, but to keep the heart opening, you need more than just passion charges. You need to dare to be vulnerable.

It is perhaps this which is the greatest underlying cause, that we do not dare to be vulnerable when the honeymoon ends. At the same time, I feel that we are becoming more and more sensitive to our emotions. We feel more and we feel more intense every day.  Are we together with someone, there will be an growing work with yourself. We become more vulnerable the closer we get to someone and we react more than before. Reactions we do not want to accept. Reactions we don't recognize since previously.

We belive that our reactions have to do with our partners. Not often we forget ourselves in the equation. We're looking forward after a partner that does not get us to react. Then can looking be lengthy and perhaps even impossible.

Divorce is becoming more common because we can't stand each other. But really, it's probably more that we can't stand ourselves. When someone comes to our painful points and we react, we believe that it is wrong in the relationship.

Do you dare to be vulnerable?

Reflextioner for family DEVELOPMENT

In the family's life area is a series of questions to think about. Some do not have a particularly close relationship with the biological family, then have instead other persons working in family-like bonds. Today, the term "family" is also in a broader context for close friends. It is the natural and fundamental unit of society, which also included in its safety net. The family upholds the basic upbringing, understanding of society's norms and what is right and wrong, truth and error, etc. And to support there are society's various institutions.

Intimate relationships. This area relates to your relationship and you as a partner. It is the case of the relationships you have, have had, or would like to have. Even if you do not currently live in a couple relationship, you can consider more generally think about over how you want it and be in this area.

Childrearing; related to your relationship with your children and your role as a parent. If you don't have children, you can focus on your relationship and adult role in relation to children in your area. You can also think about how you look to get and live together with children.

Family. This concerns the relationships you have with people from your family of origin, where you grew up. It's your mom, your dad and your siblings. If you value your relationship with your partner's family of origin – your parents-in-law, brothers-in-law, sisters and their children, you can also think about your relationship to them; some do not have a particularly close relationship with his biological family, but have instead other persons working in family-like bonds. If this applies to you – start from the people you count as your family. 

Friends and contacts. In this area often fit very many people. From your closest friends, relatives, neighbors and contacts from other situations. You can choose which of these you want to focus on when you're describing and takes out a direction for the area. It's all about how you want your relationships should look like and how you want to be as a friend.