Notes about MEFFES

Personal leadership in Swedish

MEFFES- puzzle of personal leadership

If it not had been, if unless if had not been? But now is if there!

The journey of your life areas can be likened to a puzzle (all areas are, more or less, associated with each other). A puzzle with many pieces can be compared with big goals. Sometimes these big goals put great tensions on yourself. Especially heavy becomes it when you feel you can't meet them. Then it may be better with less goals to create a more motivating.

It can also be easy to make itself the victim of circumstances. Often, we make it by quite un awareness. When you start to get a little more awareness, you can change that.     

It starts with if I could recover from my mentally, spiritually and physically sickness, I would feel better at working in the society! And to start recover one need support from family, economic and social network if I really want! 

First of all, you are your own leader!     Every day in our lives we meet different people. They mean a different for us. Some people are more important to us, while others just passing by. With all these meetings that affect us so, it can be easy to forget one person; the most important person in your life is You self (you are your best "farmhand").

We go through life and sometimes we are looking for help to understand, develop and grow. We do this through training, workshops and advice-giving services. What we forget is the most important and the best teacher we have in front of your nose all the time. Dare to trust yourself, start with the "little".

But (... There may be too much!); Take it easy, One thing at a time, Make it simple, Live and let live, Important things first.

NOTES by the penman and copier;

Areas (with diffuse boundaries), described here, is the Mental, Ethical, Ph(F)ysical (or Fleshly), Family, Economic and Social.

For younger readers, the language seem formal or, in some cases, old. Please, put yourself into the sentence, and try to understand what it means to you; development the language to what you use for yourself today. Switch between the different languages you use, taste the various synonyms and shape your own honest opinion. Words can, for each individual, have different meanings depending on the visualized, subjective knowledge and emotional experience of meaning (the grammar, however one can wish more off, but it have to stand for my level of knowledge).

Thought and emotional as well as theoretically, maybe these notes to be of some support, but it is through action that I reach the best balance in life. These notes come from different compendium from 2010 's, 1990 's, and the most as is touching my curiosity today, is "non commercial action plans for addictive abuse issues in the subconscious mind, which have grown up over the past 80 years on a voluntary basis". Get to see how these fit in with these self-help documents.

The Mental

Notes, thoughts and reflections on the mentality development and concept.

For education and personal development. This is a wide area that could involve everything from educating themselves, travel, go to therapy or to engage in artistic creation.

The mental life area signifies the current thought- and behavior- patterns that are constantly going on in humans mind. It is related to memory, our perceptions and understanding of sensory input. It is all about problem explaining, creativity, judgment and decision making. For the most part human are more aware of thinking results, than about the thought process that lead to the goal.

Of course, these concepts are mixed into our other life areas, both for better and worse!

Exercises for Mental life area

Where will the next thought come from?

Sometimes you can feel the stress and the brain is booming, thought replace thought and the pulse bangs more than usual.  Perhaps there may not be any superficial reason or you have a lot to do. It could also be that you're talking to someone who you think is annoying or troublesome, an energy thief. It creeps into your body and you would prefer to leave.          There are several methods to deal with such situations. One is to control your thoughts. You can calm down your thinking so you have no fuel to the fire that is going on. The most common method is meditation. Meditation calms the mind and therefore slows down the flow of thought. Meditation makes you become more and more aware that you are thinking.

If You would find that this exercise does not work properly for you, so don't give up, go on training!

Quiet the Voice in your head. "feel your feet"

Sit down on a chair with your feet on the floor. Be aware of your feet. This means that you must be physically present in them. Feel the sole of the foot against the floor. Get the sock around the skin of the foot. Feel the heel on the floor. Get your toes on the floor or the shoe. Get all the toes. Can you feel the whole foot? How does it feels inside? Hot, cold, tingling? You can feel the muscles in your feet? Maybe your bones? Have you noticed that the more physically present you will be in your feet, the quieter will be your voice in your head? Any worry, frustation or fear settle down.

Who is it experiencing what is happening?

Who is it who experience these thoughts?

Who is experiencing this body?

It may be that you are avoiding your feelings.

We have a tendency to want to escape from what we know because it can be painful, uncomfortable or too intense. It can be good to be aware of this, then you will become that who are controlling your emotions and not the other way around (let the feelings take control of you). With control I do not mean to keep them in check or on place by using violence or willpower to suppress and push them away from you. What I mean is that you should be aware of your feelings and to accept and allow that they are there. If you control and ignore them, they will sooner or later comes and bites you in the tail, by explode, shut down you so you feel lack of energy, burned out and hopeless. They can also show up in your body by illness, injury, pain and suffering. Or in any way at the same time. Then it is better to grab it before it goes so far.

Do you recognize any of these ways to avoid your feelings?

·        You deliberately ignore your feeling.

·        You see on TV, surfing the internet, checking social media, working, exercising, cleaning, reading.

·        You avoid situations where you know that some emotions are triggered.

·        You intellectualize and analyzes everything, you dwell, and dramatize, blames others, trying to explain how you feel by rational thinking and explanations, preferably with another person involved that you can blame the cause of.

·        You abstinent by eating much food, readily unhealthy such candy, take medicine, misuse of drugs, alcohol and nicotine.

·        You are joking away things. Especially about yourself and others.

·        You close by and does not feel at all. It could be that you, in some situations, is cold and unemotional and your rational brain takes over? It may also be that even your brain stops working when your entire system shuts down. The popular term is burnout, a lot of emotions coming at the same time.

Of course, there are several signs that you avoid to feel. These are just a few examples to remind and make you more conscious. If you want to do something about your situation, it might be good to get a little curious when you avoid your feelings. If you want to take yourself out of some reactions and changing situations is the first step to become aware of what's going on. Only by becoming aware of your different reactions to your emotions, you can begin to solve them.

Tuck your head in the sand!

Quotes; -There are things we don't want to see, know of, or even come close. Things we avoid to regard what we think is unpleasant in the world and in our neighborhood. A clear example of this is when a friend told me that she shared a post where it was described how a 10-year-old girl been raped and was denied an abortion because of tradition in the country that happened. The girl would probably not survive childbirth. The poster came from Amnesty and they asked for a signature in order to pay attention to the girl's case. She noted the low level of attention this partition got on Facebook. It resulted in two partition and nobody commented.

What is it in us that makes us not want to see it that is dark or dangerous in the world when it is shown on TV? What is it that makes us avoid reading articles about starvation, death, war and misery in the newspaper? The same applies to the discomfort that many feel when someone in their surroundings get angry or sad. Why would we try to make them happy again, rather than allow them to show their feelings.

Could it be that we don't want to see our own dark sides? Sides, that we perhaps are more or less aware of. We may choose to not want to see them or they are completely oblivious to us and we are not interested to find out who they are. They are dark for us because we do not take them forward in the light. We avoid difficult emotions and thoughts, both consciously and unconsciously.

If we see the darkness on TV, we will be on one plan or more aware of ourselves and do not want to see more. We do not want to be reminded of what we are trying to avoid. Then it's much easier to click "Like" on a Create you a lovely day-picture, or a picture of a funny cat.                  Now I don't mean that we should wallow in or repeating the misery. We cannot just go with a smile on our lips and pretend that the sun shines every day. Then we miss the point of experiencing life to the fullest. The sides that are dark or the so-called shadow sides are also a part of us. The more of that we can choose to want to see and also to accept, the more we can stand up and see the darkness in the world and be a better support.

What feels different. Tomorrow, when you wake up, you should explore what feels different. Then you will discover that something has changed from yesterday. What we usually do is to feel if it feels the same as yesterday. I still have back pain? I am as tired today? Is the mood as it was yesterday? Then triggers your thoughts in that state that you already are in and it don't help yourself against a change, then keeps you in the past. You are looking for you back to what you do not want instead of choosing to explore what feels different. Are you looking for what has been, so you will find it again and the surprise won’t be there. You get the same thing again and thinking about why it's not getting better. We have a tendency to seek out what we know and when we do it long enough, it becomes a habit that we carry out automatically. Whether we want it or not in our lives.

Tomorrow, when you wake up, look for what feels different. To do this, look for things that feels different in the body, physically or emotionally. Explore and get on a journey of discovery through the body and all senses.

The next time you want something other than what you already have, start then look for something new instead. Then the chances are greater that you will find it.

Awareness of mind source

Ask yourself the following question to yourself:

“Wondering where the next thought come from?”

    Note what happens right after you asked the question.    Do not attempt to answer the question, explore just curious what's going on in your head.

If you don't find it right away, you will after a few tries to discover a small, small holes between the thoughts. A total silence for a short while. For some it may be part of a second, for others a whole second or perhaps longer. There is no need to give your thoughts in your head more fuel through to despair if it does not work. Then you just have to try again.

Be attention to what happens when you ask yourself the question. When you found this little silence so feel how it feels. For every time you can stay longer and longer moments in silence. This is an exercise you can use almost anywhere. While driving a car, sitting on the bus or stand in a queue. Above all, it can be a great tool to use when you are in a situation where your thoughts start to take over and you need power to regain control.

The Ethical

Quotes relating to the Ethical life area

Old news? Old demons.

If you try to see the whole world as in your mirror. Then should everything, you see and experience around you, give you a chance to discover what you have not yet educated you about yourself. Your whole environment can be your teacher, if you just allow it. When you choose to allow, you can avoid the discomfort and conflicts, particularly internal conflicts and uncomfortable situations. Above all, the people that come in your way, and that causes you to react. This also applies to the people you've met throughout your life. Your old demons. They still think of and that makes you get angry, feel small, become defenseless or furious.

If you should see them all as your teachers, what have the people learned?

Do you remember that bully? What do you think about him or her? That they made you feel bad? Is it your truth that this person taught you that you were worth less than you really are, you wouldn't stick out, you were not good enough?

Is it engage you what your parent did that caused you to be careful and not trust your capacity? Is it your truths? Do you focus on how bad they made you feel and the pain they caused? Then, you focus on the things that hold you back, devalues and keeps you in a reduced state. Then it will take time for you to learn who you really are.

How would you feel, if you saw that bully as someone who trained you to be so strong you really are? 

How would you feel, if you saw that critical parent as someone who learned to trust on your own capacity and skills?                  

How would you feel, if you saw that condescending friend as someone who taught you that you were a valuable?         

How would it feel if you think about them now and says, "Thanks for helping me understand that I am valuable." (strong, skilled, patient, loving, love myself, trust me.)

Go through them one by one and thank them for that they showed you what you really are. You've survived, so what if not a belief that you are valuable, skilled or strong has taken you here where you are today. All that you have learned by the people you met, but may not always understand it.

Do the same thing with people you meet today.       A person who irritates you and make you restless. -Thank you for helping me to have patience.      A person who causes you to doubt yourself. -Thank you for helping me to trust my skills.       A person who criticizes you. -Thank you for helping me find out to enjoy more about myself.

It can be easy to get fixed up in an old thought shapes where one give away the energy power by focusing on how others get one to feel. Then it is easy to forget what you learned. If one finds that way out, one will find the strength to rise and grow. But as always, it is a choice to make.           What do you choose?

Thoughts and reflections on the ethical and spiritual development and concept.

The usual belief of "morality" is, people's beliefs about what is right and good. There are beliefs that greatly vary between different cultures and social contexts. Ethics is theoretical and critical study of these differing moral perceptions as well as the moral language. In a try to control morality have communities created religions. Spirituality of the individual is also a support of ethics.

morality? What do you say to yourself?

Simile (quotes);

 Masaru Emoto was a man from Japan who made a little different research on water.  He put the words on the labels on tins holding water. Some of the tins he put labels with word involved of positive words such as peace, love, and joy. On some other labels he wrote negative words such as hatred, war, idiot and sat on the other tins. The water was frozen and then he analyzed the ice crystals under a microscope. Emoto concluded that tins with positively charged words had more developed and more beautiful crystals. The negative effect of the order on the water crystals was the reverse. They had not developed and was less developed in their formation.                        He performed the same experiment with steamed rice which he daily for thirty days said "Idiot" to one tin, and "thank you" to the other. The result was that the rice who told "thank you" every day remained fresh while the others who heard "Idiot" everyday had developed mold.

So, if the written words, spoken words and thoughts create a reaction in water, what does not happen to us as humans?

Emoto's experiments is not accepted by the scientific community, it considers that his tests have ben done during such forms that something cannot be proven. But it is sure interesting if it even is a bit of truth in his results?

Culture of honor

Honor related cultures should not primarily be connected with religion. But of course, it has its context within the ethnic and moral scopes.  Compared to Sweden, as our honorary culture was for 50-75 years ago, is it similar to many countries in the Middle East (some areas can be related with as we had it for 150 years ago). Thanks to today's media attention the issue large today; Women should not go out, dress, have which friends they want any time. The family choose marriage. Men's women's vision is highly outdated if we compare with Western countries; there are of course exceptions.

There needs to be discussion groups, where women and men should share their moral views on honor related cultures. Ideally, these will be anonymous. ... ... The talks should focus only on the ethical and moral order in Sweden, not criticism, then more advisory with simple examples from everyday life.

SOME ETHICAL RULES drawn from different religions and cultures (what is said about gender likeness is confits).

Be always kind to your fellow man.  If you want to be happy, one must also help others, because one's own happiness is dependent on the other. It's not stranger than that.  

In happiness and suffering, in joy and sorrow, we should look at all individuals that we see in ourselves. 

Don´t do unto others what you don't want them to do to you. 

Regard your neighbor's gain as your own gain, and regard your neighbor's loss as your own loss.

What do you say to yourself?

Just think how important your words becomes suddenly. How many times don´t you say "What stupid of me", "I did wrong again", “what I am clumsy "? It is programmed statements that we just think about, but that we program ourselves with more often than we are aware of. Because our body consists of about two-thirds water so maybe it affects us more than we think. What statements do you use today, programming in a way you don't like? If you say that things are difficult, they become more difficult? Can a statement that it is a challenge, make it easier to do? Another choice could be that I have not yet learned? It is many times you tell yourself that you are not enough; I can't, it's too hard, cannot, too much, too loud, too little etc.

Perhaps a more positive attitude to yourself may be to replace what clumsy of me or now I did wrong again to there I thought in a different way, that was an interesting way to do it, as well, now I know that way doesn't work. It may seem a little bit silly but it's because you're not used to hearing such things. You're used to criticize yourself, subconsciously. You affect with your intention, thought and words, how your reality is shaped. Your truth will shape your reality. What do you say to yourself today?

Unhappy?

It can be easy to dwell on things over and over again. Things that not make you happy. Things that make you upset, angry or sad. Most of us would not be unhappy. That's why we buy so many things or enable us to become happier. Though it is sporadic kicks, they will work. The effects make us happy until we have to buy even more or do something new in order to keep the positive condition.            To not think about things that make us unhappy, so want we avoid thinking about just that. How well does it work really? If you focus on not to think on a camel, it is just the first thing that comes up in your head.

That who is happen is that you give attention to precisely that which you do not want to give the attention. By focusing at not thinking on a camel, you give attention right to "camel". And that you focus on, you get. The same is of what you don't want in your life. Think, for example, that you should not fail, so is it different scenarios of failure that pops up in your mind. Your thoughts are very good at giving you what you focus on. Especially if it is negative. Therefore, you should turn on your thoughts. Focus on what you want instead. Another option may be to replace the negative thoughts of what you don't want with something else fully. As what to will eat for dinner, what to do this weekend or something else that is more satisfying in the moment. Above all, you should bring out the camel and focus on what you want.

Why not take a little afternoon siesta? Then you will not think and wakes tom and fresh in the mind. Then it is easier to start over and think about what you want. Aren't you tired, so can the option be to sing a song you like or dance a little bit to one of your Favorites. Or what do you prefer to do to lead out your camel?

Are you nasty or do you like yourself?

I've been ironic for as long as I can remember. Irony is great fun once you get to a scathing comment. It is something within that triumphing a little at others' bad luck and misery. I have always believed that I can handle irony focused against me. Sure, a part of me have laughed, but another part has longed for a situation to give back in the same coin.

A few years ago, a friend of mine said that irony is not at all fun, irony is not nice. I thought she was a bit young and naive, stable people handle irony. After a while I realized that she fervently believed what she said. It got me to change opinion. She had, in fact, correct. Irony isn´t nice. It's even bad.

Why was I then ironic (read naughty) in many contexts? I realized that it was a defense in the form of an attack that I used when I was unsure. But most importantly it was enough that I became aware that I was being ironic in the moments that I didn't like myself. Each time I was being ironic or was about to say something ironic, it became a signal to myself to stop and change behavior. I could choose to say anything moderating, forgiving, or lovingly about the person or the situation instead. An unconscious behavior became conscious and I became less and less ironic in calls and meetings with other people. As a bonus, it came also the other things. I began to think better about myself and others. I was more forgiving, at least against others and situations became more pleasant to be in. It was nothing that happened overnight, but over time I learned to choose to be kind, but above all, to think better and better about myself.

Plentiful is that irony brings out laugh, but it's usually not warmly and a unheartily laugh we might as well be without.          

Children don´t understand irony. Are you being ironic in establishment with children those only think that you are evil. If you try to be funny at their expense, it will have the opposite effect.

Are you being sarcastic, and in such case, why?              A simple way to make this world a better place to live in, is to become mindful that irony is not nice. It's nasty. In some context, I still think that the irony is great fun but do not judge myself for it; I just become aware that I am being sarcastic and then make a conscious choice to go back to feel better about myself and others.              This is my truth about irony. What is your?

The ph(F)ysical

Quotes relating to the physical life area.

You are you!

To eating for comfort is every person's right. The comfortable feeling of well-being each time we put in us something we really want. A feeling that often do not stop with the first bite, but that just continues until all the good ends, or that we start to feel physically ill. But why do we want everything we feel a longing for? Why do we stop in us useless things that are not good for our bodies? The answer lies in the first sentence. We give us comfort. A comfort which is a extra for that which we do not give ourselves, namely more love. By eating what we really don't need it will help us duck to knowing what we feels right now. It could be stress, hopelessness, irritability, sadness or any other emotion that we don't want to feel. Whether you are mindful of feeling or not, you want to avoid that which is in this moment. And then a piece of chocolate, a sandwich or a bag of chips, a cigarette, a snuff or a glass of wine the perfect to distract you for a while, from that you don´t want to live through.

We are experts in judging ourselves, to only be satisfied when we have reached something, bought something new, or when someone gives us attention. But we rarely don´t think of giving ourselves the attention or appreciation.

Every time you feel you want to eat something unhealthy, sniff, smoke, drink or pick up your phone and play (or go out on social media); that are signs that you need to give yourself something better, something more lovingly. Next time you are longing for something (unhealthing), see it as the perfect opportunity to give you more attention, just sit down and focus on your breathing. Just sit still for a moment. Feel your feet. Tell yourself: "you're good, I love you, I love you" or whatever fits best in the moment. By feeding you self with more inner peace and more love will the need to reduce.

The more you love yourself, the more important becomes you in your own eyes. When you mean more and more for yourself, everything you put in you mean more and you choose not to feed yourself with things that are not useful. You choose more healthy things to put in your mouth. Our biggest health problem is not that we are exercising too little or eat the wrong things, then it is for us to think about ourselves for a bit. When we think of ourselves more, we play a more and more important role in our lives and we take more responsibility for what we eat and what we do with our bodies. So next time you feel a craving for a goody, see it as a signal that you need more love, not sugar.

But don't forget to treat yourself to the good life now and then. It may well be that you are worth to enjoy something good sometimes. For the simple reason that you are you.

Reflextioner for PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT

Health, physically and mentally. In the field of health, you can think about how you feel physically, and in its general well-being. It includes exercise, food, sleep, and all the ways you take care of your body. Having health is about much more than the absence of sickness and symptoms. For some, health and spare-time area, strong points – for example, if you are interested in sports or outdoor interest.     Spare-time area is about how you spend your time when you are not working. It's about what activities you would like to spend time on, both on your own behalf and with your family and friends. It may be some specific interest, which you want to create time for. It can also be about small things in everyday life: how you want it and how you want to spend your spare time in a way that is recovering and enriching. 

The Family

About the family, the network, the team and the single life;

"Quotes" about relationships

A good terapeut?

A close relationship is really good at activate our programmed truths as: Am I good enough? Am I satisfactorily good-natured? Am I really good enough as I am? These questions can be found in all of us.

Is there a different context that trigger you so much as a close relationship? When you are in love with someone and, above all, at the beginning of the relationship, you can be mindful of what that trigger you and causes you to react in the relationship. Then you can discover and explore the different reaction shapes you have with you from the past. Shape as ben hidden in the shadows and that your unconscious has hidden for you.

These shadows, would we rather not examine and still less do we want our dearest to see them. But, nevertheless, we have them all. Most shapes come from our childhood. And when these shapes are triggered in us it is the child in us reacting. The responding child takes over the full-grown person's thoughts.

We are thinking of different things that have their origins in our emotional life and our backgrounds, if what is true about ourselves and our surroundings.

"If she knew this about me she would leave me."

"He wouldn't like me as much if he knew this about me. "

"I do not dare to be honest because then maybe she'll be mad at me."

"If he cares about me, he would not do like this."

It can be through unconscious shapes which takes its expression in behavior:

– You do things to be liked and override yourself

– You do challenge things to test your partner's love.

– You do things to prevent your shadow sides and weaknesses will not be visible.

– You overreact to your partner's behavior because you think you are in danger. That you are not in love.

– You turn off because you don't dare show how you really feel. Because you are not good enough as you are.

Usually so we react by attacking or defending ourselves because we think it's about us, when in fact it is all about the other person's shape. If you are lucky your partner is understanding and safe in that it is not about this and can give you the support you need to accept those parts of yourself. You may be conscious of the same with your partner. Be mindful of your reactions. Ask instead: "How are you? How is it? " Be a little more adult instead of letting the little child react.

How can you as a couple be more adults together instead of reacting like a child? By respecting each other, dare to be more open, or by being more vulnerable? What works best for you?

Love now!

Quote; “Do you remember when we were new lovers? "said Maria to me. "Then we made such funny things. Everything was so easy and life was easy in all areas. We were never tired and everything between us was so carefree. "

And sure, it was a bit of that; even if we were tired or cold, so was the mood at the top and we had how much energy any time. We needed less sleep and life was wonderful in all areas. Maybe this is something you or your partner, just like us, talk about sometimes. Even if you don't talk about it, maybe you or your partner thinks so. Love turns to everyday life and you start to find distraction in each other. Details that were cute and charming became big distractions.

That who happens when we fall in love, is that the person we fall in love in reflects that we like for ourselves. The person may also have characteristics that we look up to and want to have. In other words, the object of your love makes you feel good. You choose to see each other in paradise and forgive everything that does not fit into your truths.   When the person who is there for making you happy and lucky afterwards begins to view pages that will make you become irritated, it's because they remind you of pages in yourself that you don't like. Pages that you previously chose to forget to the benefit of all that positive. The person that would make you happy reminds you of what you don't want to know by yourself, which is a great contrast and maybe it goes so far that you start to consider separation or look for someone else to make you happy.

It was like this we talked about the other night, and now I want to introduce a new concept, the next time you think about how wonderful it was to be new-lovers. How would it be if you were a little now-love instead? Instead of thinking about what once was or what you would prefer to have in your life. Try to be here and now and in love.       By that I mean to discover your partner again. Often when we look at someone else that we know already, we have a preconception about how that person should be and we are not trying to even see that person in a new perspective again. Try to be a little more now-curious. What would happen if you were just here and now, without old prejudices and experiences? Probably you would be now-love. In your partners, in your friends, in your job and in your whole life. From now on, we are very much now-love in one another!

Too much of a good thing?

Never have we consumed as much as we do today and consumption is growing steadily. But it's not just the goods and services we consume. It also applies to relationships.

We don't stop there and builds on the relationship we started, in the same level as in the past. Never before we have married and separated us as often as today. Dating sites springing up like mushrooms and they have customers like never before. If one would find the perfect relation so shouldn't these sites continue to grow?

Sweden also has the most singles (single households) in the world. What does it say about us and our relationships?

Older people say that "in the past, we were certainly fight to get the relationship to keep". Certainly, I think we had a different view of relationships in the past. Many perhaps recognized that it was shameful to be divorce, but over all it was necessary to keep together in order to survive. Often put the women ensnared in relationships. Many were housewives without paid work and child care. They had nowhere to go.

Why does it look like it does today? The question you should probably ask yourself if you would like to receive a personal answer.

            But perhaps it may be that:

-        We hunt a great love that does not exist. A love that will replace the love of ourselves. A person who will make us happy because it is so difficult to create that feeling on your own.

-        We are looking for the one who will save us away from ourselves.

-        We are looking for a person who will make us feel good.

-        We are looking for a person who has the properties we are missing themselves

-        We seek what we think we need to be happy. When we actually feel nonexistence of ourselves.

What happens when you think you have found the person who could "make you whole" but after a while discovers that he or she does not meet the expectations you had initially. Maybe start the relationship weakened. You'll no longer have what you experienced from the beginning were, and your passion turns into disappointment, sadness and irritability.

It is the love curse. It ends because love is a mental process that is controlled by your ego. Of course, it opens up your heart and true love happens, but to keep the heart opening, you need more than just passion charges. You need to dare to be vulnerable.

It is perhaps this which is the greatest underlying cause, that we do not dare to be vulnerable when the honeymoon ends. At the same time, I feel that we are becoming more and more sensitive to our emotions. We feel more and we feel more intense every day.  Are we together with someone, there will be an growing work with yourself. We become more vulnerable the closer we get to someone and we react more than before. Reactions we do not want to accept. Reactions we don't recognize since previously.

We belive that our reactions have to do with our partners. Not often we forget ourselves in the equation. We're looking forward after a partner that does not get us to react. Then can looking be lengthy and perhaps even impossible.

Divorce is becoming more common because we can't stand each other. But really, it's probably more that we can't stand ourselves. When someone comes to our painful points and we react, we believe that it is wrong in the relationship.

Do you dare to be vulnerable?

Reflextioner for family DEVELOPMENT

In the family's life area is a series of questions to think about. Some do not have a particularly close relationship with the biological family, then have instead other persons working in family-like bonds. Today, the term "family" is also in a broader context for close friends. It is the natural and fundamental unit of society, which also included in its safety net. The family upholds the basic upbringing, understanding of society's norms and what is right and wrong, truth and error, etc. And to support there are society's various institutions.

Intimate relationships. This area relates to your relationship and you as a partner. It is the case of the relationships you have, have had, or would like to have. Even if you do not currently live in a couple relationship, you can consider more generally think about over how you want it and be in this area.

Childrearing; related to your relationship with your children and your role as a parent. If you don't have children, you can focus on your relationship and adult role in relation to children in your area. You can also think about how you look to get and live together with children.

Family. This concerns the relationships you have with people from your family of origin, where you grew up. It's your mom, your dad and your siblings. If you value your relationship with your partner's family of origin – your parents-in-law, brothers-in-law, sisters and their children, you can also think about your relationship to them; some do not have a particularly close relationship with his biological family, but have instead other persons working in family-like bonds. If this applies to you – start from the people you count as your family. 

Friends and contacts. In this area often fit very many people. From your closest friends, relatives, neighbors and contacts from other situations. You can choose which of these you want to focus on when you're describing and takes out a direction for the area. It's all about how you want your relationships should look like and how you want to be as a friend.